Dru
21-12-16, 11:52 AM
Many will have seen this doing the rounds on Face Book. Good giggle if you haven't seen it yet.
WHEELING 101
1. Never take your wife wheeling AND forget the toilet paper.
2. Always blame your spotter.
3. A taller lift and larger tires will temporarily lower the driver's IQ.
4. Never own more than one Jeep at a time.
5. All mud, no matter where it is in the world, smells terrible.
6. And the worse the mud smells, the greater the likelihood of you having to climb out and pull cable.
7. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it…..Dumbass!
8. When someone says that you are standing in their line........move!
9. Conversely, when I tell you my rig is going to be where you are standing in just a second…..it is.
10. “Just bump it a little” is not a phrase understood by most people. Get the hell out of the way.
11. Repeat after me…..”Honey, if I can just get this one last part, the Jeep will be done”.
12. The Jeep is never “done”. Anyone who says that theirs is, is lying.
13. Never lock a D30.
14. Never lock a D35. And btw, there’s no such thing as a Super 35.
15. Just buy the ProRock 44 and be done with it......life is too short for major projects.
16. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it…..Dumbass!
17. No, I will not run the winch for you. I will stand behind a tree out of the line of fire.
18. Have proper recovery points, because if it means me not missing dinner, I will rip the front axle right out from under your rig.
19. If you want a snatch you better have a snatch strap.
20. Thongs are not suitable footwear for wheeling.
21. Don’t forget the bug spray.
22. Oops is not a word you want to hear from your mechanic, your Doctor or particularly, your spotter.
23. Yes, your rig is going to get scratched. If you have an aversion to this, stay home. Better yet, buy a Honda.
24. One man’s definition of a stocker run is not necessarily another’s. Take a look at the person’s rig for clarification.
25. Extreme depends on your point of view.
26. Stay far, far away from the “hold my beer and watch this” crowd.
27. Never wheel alone. And never forget your winch remote in the barn……..ever.
28. Whatever tool you need, just stop looking now…..it’s at home in the garage.
29. If you enjoy standing in the rain, up to your knees in mud, getting eaten by mosquitoes the size of small birds, all the while tearing up hundred dollar bills, you’re going to love wheeling.
30. When someone is decent enough to tell you that you can’t make a particular obstacle (see #31), do yourself a favor and listen to them.
31. Just remember when your "friends" are "encouraging" you, they all have their cameras out.
32. Windows with the top up and the aircon on does not make you a wimp. It makes you smarter than they are.
33. The primary uses of the CB radio are to heckle your friends and to decide where you’re going to eat and drink after the run.
34. Turn the dang CB off when you go into the restaurant however so that I don’t have to jump your rig.
35. Anyone with a programmable horn should never be allowed to wheel with you.
36. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, it probably isn’t.
37. Never wheel with Subarus.
38. Momentum can be your friend but speed almost never is.
39. Avoid people who think that money can buy talent.
40. If someone says, “just bounce it off the rev limiter”, bounce something off their head.
41. Never discuss politics, religion or tires in polite company.
42. If the person in front of you does something stupid, you are under no obligation to make the same mistake.
43. Money and enthusiasm does not a wheeler make. Stay far away from the highly enthused noob.
44. Fuel up BEFORE you arrive at the trailhead because next time we’re leaving your dumb ass.
45. Never be enticed by the phrase, “that line has never been successfully done before”.
46. Always check actual retail price of Jeep parts BEFORE you buy something on Ebay that looks like a good deal.
47. Never buy gears or tires used.
48. Be very selective about who you will let spot for you, VERY selective.
49. When your spotter increasingly puts you somewhere odd until he says “hold it, great shot!” – think about a different spotter next time.
50. One spotter at a time. The rest of y’all can shut up!
51. Never, ever spot for your wife or girlfriend.
52. Discretion is always the better part of valor.
53. There are people on the trail where “self-explanatory” isn’t.
54. Never make a bet that will cause you to have to wear a dress on the next run if you lose.
55. When your wife tells you not to do something......don't.
56. Washing transfer case parts in the dishwasher is very effective. Just don’t get caught.
57. Never make banjo sounds where the local bogans can hear you.
58. Always use the valet cart to move your doors into your room at a five star resort.
59. The trip leader is, in all likelihood, no smarter than you are. Witness the fact that I am one.
60. Get in, sit down, hold on and shut up.
61. Addendum to #60. When I panic, then you can.
62. The cost of fuel rises along with the size of your rig.
63. Breakdowns are exponentially more expensive the bigger your rig gets.
64. With very few exceptions, leave spares home. You’re not going to have what you need anyway.
65. Exceptions include belts, hoses and u-joints. (Shafts, uni clamps, CA bolts, fuses.) [Cable ties, fencing wire and gaffer tape.]
66. Speed costs money. How slow do you want to go?
67. When wheeling with a large group, always try to be near the front of the pack. Trust me.
68. When someone says, “trust me”, run and hide.
69. 35s will not fit on your Libby. I don’t care what the tyre store told you.
70. Don’t take your doors off on a muddy day.
71. “Trail Rated” does not mean what you think it does.
72. It doesn’t mean what Jeep thinks it does either.
73. Life is too short to drink cheap beer or to wheel with jerks.
74. After three unsuccessful tries, pull cable.
75. Any more than that and the rest of us will encourage you to do something really stupid.
76. Wheel while you can because the vocal minority wants the keys to your rig.
77. No one will get a picture of you conquering the unconquerable, but screw up just this much and everybody gets it on film.
78. The camera never does justice to the terrain.
79. The next new Jeep will be a disappointment to enthusiasts also.....get used to it.
80. Never attend a wheeling event with the intention of just watching. It never works out.
81. Air down.
82. Put it in 4WD before you think you need to. Don't be "that" guy.
WHEELING 101
1. Never take your wife wheeling AND forget the toilet paper.
2. Always blame your spotter.
3. A taller lift and larger tires will temporarily lower the driver's IQ.
4. Never own more than one Jeep at a time.
5. All mud, no matter where it is in the world, smells terrible.
6. And the worse the mud smells, the greater the likelihood of you having to climb out and pull cable.
7. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it…..Dumbass!
8. When someone says that you are standing in their line........move!
9. Conversely, when I tell you my rig is going to be where you are standing in just a second…..it is.
10. “Just bump it a little” is not a phrase understood by most people. Get the hell out of the way.
11. Repeat after me…..”Honey, if I can just get this one last part, the Jeep will be done”.
12. The Jeep is never “done”. Anyone who says that theirs is, is lying.
13. Never lock a D30.
14. Never lock a D35. And btw, there’s no such thing as a Super 35.
15. Just buy the ProRock 44 and be done with it......life is too short for major projects.
16. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it…..Dumbass!
17. No, I will not run the winch for you. I will stand behind a tree out of the line of fire.
18. Have proper recovery points, because if it means me not missing dinner, I will rip the front axle right out from under your rig.
19. If you want a snatch you better have a snatch strap.
20. Thongs are not suitable footwear for wheeling.
21. Don’t forget the bug spray.
22. Oops is not a word you want to hear from your mechanic, your Doctor or particularly, your spotter.
23. Yes, your rig is going to get scratched. If you have an aversion to this, stay home. Better yet, buy a Honda.
24. One man’s definition of a stocker run is not necessarily another’s. Take a look at the person’s rig for clarification.
25. Extreme depends on your point of view.
26. Stay far, far away from the “hold my beer and watch this” crowd.
27. Never wheel alone. And never forget your winch remote in the barn……..ever.
28. Whatever tool you need, just stop looking now…..it’s at home in the garage.
29. If you enjoy standing in the rain, up to your knees in mud, getting eaten by mosquitoes the size of small birds, all the while tearing up hundred dollar bills, you’re going to love wheeling.
30. When someone is decent enough to tell you that you can’t make a particular obstacle (see #31), do yourself a favor and listen to them.
31. Just remember when your "friends" are "encouraging" you, they all have their cameras out.
32. Windows with the top up and the aircon on does not make you a wimp. It makes you smarter than they are.
33. The primary uses of the CB radio are to heckle your friends and to decide where you’re going to eat and drink after the run.
34. Turn the dang CB off when you go into the restaurant however so that I don’t have to jump your rig.
35. Anyone with a programmable horn should never be allowed to wheel with you.
36. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, it probably isn’t.
37. Never wheel with Subarus.
38. Momentum can be your friend but speed almost never is.
39. Avoid people who think that money can buy talent.
40. If someone says, “just bounce it off the rev limiter”, bounce something off their head.
41. Never discuss politics, religion or tires in polite company.
42. If the person in front of you does something stupid, you are under no obligation to make the same mistake.
43. Money and enthusiasm does not a wheeler make. Stay far away from the highly enthused noob.
44. Fuel up BEFORE you arrive at the trailhead because next time we’re leaving your dumb ass.
45. Never be enticed by the phrase, “that line has never been successfully done before”.
46. Always check actual retail price of Jeep parts BEFORE you buy something on Ebay that looks like a good deal.
47. Never buy gears or tires used.
48. Be very selective about who you will let spot for you, VERY selective.
49. When your spotter increasingly puts you somewhere odd until he says “hold it, great shot!” – think about a different spotter next time.
50. One spotter at a time. The rest of y’all can shut up!
51. Never, ever spot for your wife or girlfriend.
52. Discretion is always the better part of valor.
53. There are people on the trail where “self-explanatory” isn’t.
54. Never make a bet that will cause you to have to wear a dress on the next run if you lose.
55. When your wife tells you not to do something......don't.
56. Washing transfer case parts in the dishwasher is very effective. Just don’t get caught.
57. Never make banjo sounds where the local bogans can hear you.
58. Always use the valet cart to move your doors into your room at a five star resort.
59. The trip leader is, in all likelihood, no smarter than you are. Witness the fact that I am one.
60. Get in, sit down, hold on and shut up.
61. Addendum to #60. When I panic, then you can.
62. The cost of fuel rises along with the size of your rig.
63. Breakdowns are exponentially more expensive the bigger your rig gets.
64. With very few exceptions, leave spares home. You’re not going to have what you need anyway.
65. Exceptions include belts, hoses and u-joints. (Shafts, uni clamps, CA bolts, fuses.) [Cable ties, fencing wire and gaffer tape.]
66. Speed costs money. How slow do you want to go?
67. When wheeling with a large group, always try to be near the front of the pack. Trust me.
68. When someone says, “trust me”, run and hide.
69. 35s will not fit on your Libby. I don’t care what the tyre store told you.
70. Don’t take your doors off on a muddy day.
71. “Trail Rated” does not mean what you think it does.
72. It doesn’t mean what Jeep thinks it does either.
73. Life is too short to drink cheap beer or to wheel with jerks.
74. After three unsuccessful tries, pull cable.
75. Any more than that and the rest of us will encourage you to do something really stupid.
76. Wheel while you can because the vocal minority wants the keys to your rig.
77. No one will get a picture of you conquering the unconquerable, but screw up just this much and everybody gets it on film.
78. The camera never does justice to the terrain.
79. The next new Jeep will be a disappointment to enthusiasts also.....get used to it.
80. Never attend a wheeling event with the intention of just watching. It never works out.
81. Air down.
82. Put it in 4WD before you think you need to. Don't be "that" guy.